fated
by Neko-sama no Kokoro
Summary: And they were always the closest of friends, as they always had been. Allen x Lenalee


fated

Disclaimer: I don't own D.Gray-Man… and damn you, Ayu and Nagase, for breaking up!

This is something of a songfic, except I was more inspired by Ayu's real-life break-up than the lyrics of her song, so maybe it isn't really one after all.

* * *

Their fingers were entwined and he could feel the coolness of her palm against his, but it no longer brought the blush to his face and the feeling of his heart warming, or sometimes leaping against his ribs. He'd grown used to it.

Her dark eyes were not filled with the laughter and joy that he'd grown accustomed to in the past three years, nor the sadness and loneliness that had filled them once before and broken his heart. Instead, they projected an image of calm… yet he'd known her long enough to know that she was worried. She just stared straight ahead, occasionally blinking, but not seeing what was in front of her. Yet she knew anyway.

Gently, he squeezed her hand. She did not return the gesture, but smiled softly. It brought her courage.

"Allen-kun," she said quietly, "I think we need to talk."

Allen-kun… she hadn't called him that in years. Shouldn't he have been worried? Yet instead, it felt almost natural to hear that suffix attached to his name.

"I know," he responded, and they were silent again.

Finally, she spoke again. "I don't want to hurt you, after all we've been through."

"I know," he repeated. "It's okay, if it makes you feel better-"

"I don't want that!" Her violet eyes were filling with tears; unconsciously, he reached up to brush them away. Her other hand caught his, and soon they were facing each other. She was not looking at him. "No matter what, I don't want to hurt you." Her voice was soft.

"You don't have to." She shook her head slightly, and he squeezed her hands again, trying to get her to look at him. "I don't think you will hurt me, Lenalee."

"You won't be hurt by what I want to ask of you?" She looked confused.

"…just say it, all right?"

She nodded, and finally met his eyes.

"Allen-kun, I don't know how to say this, but…"

Her grip on his hands tightened, and then suddenly loosened; there was nothing for him to hold on to anymore.

"I don't feel that way anymore."

"Love?" His voice was quiet.

"Well…" She bit her lip and turned her head away. "I _do_ love you, but it's not – it isn't-"

"Romantic." She nodded. "You don't want to marry me anymore." It wasn't a question.

"Right."

"Well, then." He sighed, and visibly relaxed. "That's it?"

"You're not hurt?" she whispered, looking at him again. Would she cry if he was? But he never wanted to see her cry again, and he didn't even need to lie to make her happy this time.

"No, I'm not." He fidgeted a little, unused to the words he was about to say, or even to accepting that feeling. He hadn't wanted to feel this way before now. "Because… that's how I feel too."

"Really?" Her eyes widened with surprise, and he could even see a glimmer of joy within them. Seeing that joy made him feel that way, too.

"Yeah. It's like…" He paused for a moment, trying to think of the best words to describe the doubt that had penetrated his mind and heart in recent months. When he couldn't find the words, she continued for him.

"Like there isn't any romance anymore," she whispered. "Like you're my best friend, and always have been, and even though you're younger than I am, you're not like a _younger_ brother, just a brother… and it's that kind of love, not the kind that we always wanted."

He smiled. "You'll always be an _older_ sister to me."

She smiled back, and laughed softly. "Well, that's okay, isn't it."

There was silence again. Even though they were sitting on a bench in the middle of a busy park, in the middle of a city bustling with people, neither felt as if they were anything but alone with the other. In the midst of the quiet, their eyes met again for a brief moment, and their smiles slipped from their faces only to reappear again, deeper than ever.

"Thank you," she said softly, slipping one hand from his. "I didn't think – I didn't know that-"

"I'd feel the same?" he asked. She nodded. "I didn't know how you felt, either. I never wanted to discuss it because I thought I'd hurt you."

"I'm not hurt." Her other hand stroked his reddened skin gently. "I'm happy."

"Me too. And relieved."

"You'll always be my closest friend, Allen-kun." And her hand was gone from his.

"That's how I love you, Lenalee."

They were separated, yet they left together, laughing and smiling as though they were in love. And there was love between them, the kind of love that there had always been, yet not the kind that they had once hoped for. There would never be regret for the words exchanged that day, and the action that had been taken.

And they were _always_ the closest of friends, as they always had been.

* * *

_Four Years Later_

Even after all this time and the platonic nature of their relationship, he couldn't deny that she was beautiful. It still took more self-control than he had to prevent himself from occasionally glancing at her when she wasn't speaking, and to note with a hint of pride that she did the same, when she thought he wasn't looking, over the edge of her teacup. Maybe that was normal, though. Or maybe it was just a habit he'd never broken.

"So…" He broke the silence, grinning when she jumped in surprise and nearly spilled her tea. "Relieved to be free, even for just an afternoon?"

She made a face at him, fully aware of how immature it made her seem. "I thought it would stop after we broke up, but…" He could see her hand trembling with frustration, and reached out to steady her grip on the cup. "Even after I've become an adult and should be thinking of marriage and leaving my family, he's _still_ possessive! I'm twenty-three already; I can't be so dependent on my older brother for much longer."

"That's why your little brother is here – to prevent you from doing impulsive things like spilling your tea," he said, grinning. She giggled, and he removed his hand.

"I think he needs a wife," she muttered. "Thirty-six and unmarried… if only he had _children_, maybe he'd stop clinging to me."

"Speaking of marriage…" She looked up at him with surprise. "Oh, nothing about me! I was about to ask how things are working out with Lavi – he really likes you, right?"

"Mmm…" She took another sip of tea. "Nothing's changed. He still hasn't said a word to me about his feelings, or intentions, and I'm tired of waiting – you know, you could have asked me this back at the Order!"

"I could have, but then people would have overheard us," he commented, quickly turning his head to look around the small café. "And if Komui-san heard us discussing anything related to marriage… where _is_ that waitress," he muttered, distracted.

"You think she's pretty?" Lenalee asked with a sly smile.

"No, it's not that – I'm just hungry." As if on cue, his stomach growled. His companion giggled.

"You're not going to find much to eat here! We've just gone for tea, not a full meal."

"Right, which is why as soon as we get back, I'm going straight to the cafeteria and ordering-"

"I thought you wanted me to enjoy an afternoon of freedom?" she interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

"…That's more important." He shrugged and returned his full attention to her. "So… nothing new?"

"No, and this is the fourth man I've dated who hasn't ever made his feelings clear to me." She sighed, resting her head in one hand as she set the cup down on the table again. "What kind of luck do I have…"

"Four?" He blinked in surprise. "But you've only dated three since-"

_Thwack._ She'd hit him on the head with a rolled up napkin. He cringed with pain, and she smiled at him. "I was including you, Allen-kun."

"Me?"

"I _know_ we were engaged and all, but you don't really think that your inability to communicate your change of feelings doesn't make you just like the other three?"

"Well… that was to _end_ the relationship, not improve it." Nevertheless, the red flush of embarrassment had crossed his face.

"End?"

"…the engagement, and all that, not our _general_ relationship," he corrected.

"Which is why we're still close," she reminded him.

"You're friends with Kanda and Bak, aren't you?" he asked.

"I suppose… but it's not the same, and I hardly speak to them anymore."

"I still can't believe you went out with Kanda right after me." He frowned. "That guy is such an asshole!"

"Hurt your ego, didn't it," she murmured teasingly. "Why else would we only have lasted a few months, though?"

He couldn't help but smile at the thought of beating his rival quite that well.

"Allen-kun, if I could, I'd tell you the sex was better with you, but…" She shrugged.

"WHAT?" His jaw dropped. "Are you saying…"

"…I can't tell you that, because I never slept with either of you." She looked incredibly satisfied at that, and he scowled at her.

"_Not_ funny. If you'd done that with him…"

"And I never did anything with Bak, either! He's too old for me… you know I only dated him because I knew he liked me, and I felt bad for him…" She looked slightly embarrassed; she'd _finally_ learned that Bak was a stalker, and the only reason their relationship didn't end badly was because Allen had convinced Fou that he just thought of her as a friend and that she should try dating her _older_ friend instead. It had worked.

"So not me, Kanda, or Bak-san…" Why hadn't she mentioned the most recent one? Could it be… He felt a twinge of jealousy that he definitely should not have been feeling at the thought of her sleeping with Lavi (he felt that the urge to murder the Bookman was, however, justified. That was a friendly feeling). Yet she'd said nothing of their relationship… "Lavi didn't try to take advantage of you, did he?"

"What?" She gave him a puzzled look. "What are you talking about, Allen-kun?"

"You didn't mention Lavi earlier, but you didn't say anything about your relationship. We're friends; isn't that something we should talk about?"

"Whether or not I'm sleeping with my boyfriend?" she asked in a flat tone.

"Well…" He blushed. "I'd tell you if I…"

"Would I want to hear it?"

"If, _if_ you did," he said quickly.

She sighed and glanced into her now-empty teacup. "No, I haven't done anything like that with Lavi, even if he does want to – Allen-kun, why do you look so relieved?!"

"I-it's just good that you haven't rushed into anything."

"Like marriage?" At his shrug, she gave him a frustrated look. "Lavi and I have been dating for almost two years now and he hasn't asked me – you know that's what I've been upset about – and yes, he does want sex, but…" Lenalee sighed. "You're right, of course. You always were. I couldn't do that thing before marriage."

"Do you want to marry Lavi?" he asked her quietly.

"I…" She bit her lip and unconsciously began to trace the tablecloth pattern with one finger. "I _think_ I would, but…"

"If you're not certain, why do you want to be asked?"

"Because… I don't know, Allen-kun. Maybe I'm just worried that this won't go anywhere, or that I won't continue to love him, either – there's all this pressure, and I don't feel nearly as happy with him as I was when…"

She didn't finish, but she didn't need to, either.

"You don't… regret it, do you?" he whispered.

"I don't." She sounded absolutely certain of that. "We have good memories, and we might not have those if I hadn't said anything – _you_ wouldn't have."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"I know."

"Allen-kun…" He looked up, not expecting to see her smiling again, and, in fact, barely suppressing laughter. "Speaking of you telling me if… you know… well, it's not just that you apparently _haven't_, but you haven't had many relationships in the past four years, have you?"

"I have!" he said defensively. "Not as many as you have-" she flinched, and he immediately felt guilty; three boyfriends in four years wasn't abnormal, "but there have been… one or two…"

"Road doesn't count, because she was stalking you for a few weeks before you yelled at her to go away," Lenalee told him. "And you only went out with Fou once, and that was to tell her to give up on you."

"It was a date," he said quickly.

"A break-up date?" She looked amused.

"Well…"

"…so there hasn't been anyone."

"I just haven't found the right person," Allen assured her. "And I'm only twenty-two. I've got _years_."

"Of course," she murmured. "But at your age, to not have been in a single relationship… Allen-kun, you don't like _men,_ do you?"

"What?!" He nearly choked on a breath of air. "No, I don't, and you know that!"

She giggled again… she'd laughed more in this conversation than she had in the entire first year they'd known each other. It was nice to see that she really was happy with her life, now. "You're right, I do. It was just something Lavi said recently, and I found it funny, so…"

"It isn't like the Order is full of women," he explained. "Most of them are years older than me, and I don't like any of the others in that way."

"So I was your only choice," she joked. "You gave me up and now you'll be single forever."

"Oh shit!" He feigned a sudden realization. "You're right! Lenalee, take me back, _please_!" He reached across the table dramatically, an exaggerated pleading look on his face. "I'll die a virgin without you!"

"You probably will anyway, at this rate." She burst into laughter.

"Thanks for killing the joke," he muttered, pouting, and returning to his original position. "I'm sure I'll find someone eventually."

"Just make sure to get married before you reach Komui-niisan's age," she reminded him. "If he finds a wife before you do, that would be embarrassing."

"Don't worry… he probably won't marry anyone before he's forty, and I'm sure I'll be in a relationship before then." He brushed some pale hair away from his face and looked thoughtful. "Hopefully before I'm thirty."

"Do you really think I'll have to wait four years?!" Lenalee exclaimed. "I'll be an old lady by the time he lets me go…"

Allen grinned at her. "And Lavi will ask you before then?"

She smacked him with the rolled-up napkin again.

"Ow… I was right; you _have_ become more violent since I met you – ow! – oh look, here's our food!"

Finally, Lenalee was distracted, and their prior argument forgotten. They ate in peace, and had a nice walk around the town before returning to the Order again… two best friends, and nothing more, evident by the lack of any real physical contact between the two.

And that night, Lenalee's relationship with Lavi _did_ change, although…

* * *

The sun had set and Allen had finished his evening snack and was about to change for bed when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. Puzzled, he called out to ask who it was, and when he received no answer, went to open it with a frown. Who could it be at this time-

His thoughts were cut off at the sight of Lenalee, tears pouring from her eyes.

"Lenalee?!" he gasped. "What… what happened?!"

Lenalee said nothing. Instead, she gave a great sob and flung herself into Allen's arms and buried her head in his shoulder. Allen hesitantly patted her shoulder gently, still unaware of how to properly comfort a crying Lenalee even in the seven years they've known each other, and kicked the door shut.

"Lenalee," he said, a little more stiffly than would have probably been appropriate considering their friendly relationship, "what's wrong?"

"It's Lavi," she managed to sob. Allen felt a sudden dampness on his bare skin; Lenalee had turned her face into his neck. "He… he…"

"There, there," Allen muttered, and shuffled over to the bed with Lenalee still clinging to him. Slowly, he sat down, wrapping one arm around Lenalee's back so he could bring her down gently. Once they were settled, he moved to pat her back like he'd done a few times before. It hadn't worked perfectly, but it made him feel a little better, at least. "What happened?"

"I told you, Lavi… he…" Lenalee broke off into another heart-wrenching sob. Allen felt a growing pit of dread nestle in his stomach; what had Lavi done to make Lenalee cry like this? Only the fact that he didn't yet know of the circumstances prevented him from leaving Lenalee to sob on his bed while he avenged the wrong done to her right then and there.

…it was a best friend's duty, after all. Or a brother's. Komui would have done it, that's for sure.

"Lenalee?" he prompted, and the moment her name escaped from his lips he knew he shouldn't have said anything. Yet Lenalee still responded, fingers tightening around his shirt as her sobs temporarily ceased.

"It's over," she whispered. "It's over between us."

She looked up into his eyes at that moment, and it felt like his stomach had turned upside down at the sight. None of her prior break-ups had been this bad… actually, none had really been bad at all. Everything had happened because of calm talks and mutual understanding; even Bak had been rational and agreed with the action. But this… what had happened here? What had gone on between Lenalee and Lavi to put such immeasurable pain into Lenalee's violet eyes that Allen still occasionally found himself lost in when he wasn't careful?

Allen didn't ask – he knew it wouldn't be appropriate, no matter how curious he was; the feelings of his friend mattered more – but Lenalee chose to continue at that moment anyway.

"Just now," she began, "Lavi asked me to marry him."

"He what?" Allen breathed, expecting anything but this. After their conversation earlier that day, this was the last sort of reaction he'd expect Lenalee to have after such a proposal. "That… that's great, Lenalee!" he said, reeling in shock and confused happiness for her. "Isn't that what you…"

"Noooo," Lenalee moaned, tucking her head back into his shoulder. "It's _not_."

Allen could only nudge her head gently, anxious to hear what had caused such a change in Lenalee's desires.

"I didn't tell you, Allen-kun…" She sighed, cool breath tickling the bare skin of his neck. "I'm sorry. I know we're friends, that we tell each other everything, but I didn't want you to worry… _I'm so sorry…_"

"What are you apologizing for," Allen muttered, that dread creeping up through his spine as his hand stroked her back with long, slow movements. Why would Lenalee hold something back from him – _him_, of all people? Unless it was...

"Sorry. …Sorry for that, too! I'm doing it again!" Lenalee laughed; it was a harsh, bitter, joyless sound that pained Allen to hear it. "That is… I know I said earlier that I wanted to marry him… or I _thought_ I did…"

She was still holding something back. Allen had proved it was possible to end a relationship even at that stage without the tears; what made this different? "You weren't ready?" he asked softly. "For that commitment, or…"

"I _was_! No, I _am_, but not… not with him!" Lenalee sobbed again, tears flowing freely down his shoulder. "It's not me… I don't think that's what _Lavi_ wants, Allen-kun! You said so yourself, right?"

Allen flinched, feeling a tad guilty at what had apparently served to subliminally undermine the growing relationship between his friends. "It was a joke, Lenalee! I-I didn't mean it like that!"

"But you were right," she murmured, "and I knew it."

"So why…" Allen left the question unspoken.

"…Lavi didn't propose…" Lenalee squirmed awkwardly and inhaled deeply. "…because he wanted to marry me."

Suddenly, it was all clear to Allen. What she'd said earlier about marriage – what she'd said earlier about _Lavi_ - what she hadn't told him – why they'd broken up…

"He _didn't_," Allen growled, arms tightening instinctively around Lenalee. How dare he… to his best friend, of all people! To do such a thing to _anyone_ would've been a horrible act, but this…!

The woman in his comforting embrace sighed. "I'm sorry, Allen-kun… I just thought if I ignored how often he asked about it, then maybe… maybe it would go away. Even though it didn't, I thought he'd eventually forget, or… or we'd move p-past it… that it wouldn't m-matter to our relationship in the end…"

"Why didn't you tell me, Lenalee," Allen whispered soothingly. "I could've done something – Lavi's my friend too; he might have listened to me, and…"

Lenalee shook her head. "I've known you long enough to know that's not what would happen, Allen-kun."

"He'd listen!"

"Because unlike nii-san, you wouldn't kill him!"

Allen didn't respond; Lenalee was probably right on this one. Best friend or not, if he'd known about the pressure Lavi had been putting on Lenalee so early in the relationship…

"I know that's why he asked," Lenalee continued into his tear-soaked neck. "It had been getting worse and worse, and yesterday… I told him that there was no way I'd be intimate with a man who wasn't my husband…"

"So that's why…?" Allen reached up to caress her hair gently with his free hand. It meant he had to shift Lenalee a little more to his front and tuck her head under his, but the way she nuzzled closer to his warmth made him feel a slight thrill he _knew_ was wrong. This was to comfort Lenalee, after all. His best friend.

(His ex-fiancée. But who remembered that? …Besides just about everyone?)

"He asked tonight. I was so happy, but… well, thanks to our conversation at lunch, I remembered what I'd said the day before. I asked him if that was the only reason, and his frustration as good as affirmed it." Lenalee's trembling fingers tightened around the folds of his sleeves. "We fought, and then… I came here."

"Before even Komui-san?" Allen asked incredulously, the words slipping out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about how inappropriate they were at the moment. Lenalee didn't seem to notice or be bothered by them, however, and nodded.

"You're my best friend, Allen-kun… I know you'd listen to me, really _listen_ and _care_ and be there instead of rushing out the moment you saw me crying to shred Lavi into tiny bits."

This was true, although it had taken a heroic effort on Allen's part to refrain from doing so. He really was like another brother to her, wasn't he?

"…and that's what happened," Lenalee finished, feeling the need to say something more. "So… thanks for being such a good friend, Allen-kun."

"You don't have to thank me," Allen murmured almost unconsciously. "I'll always be here for you no matter what, right?" He smiled wryly; he still felt the need to kick Lavi where it would hurt multiple times while continuing to hold Lenalee this close as long as he- as _she_ wanted him to, so the gesture was almost ironic in its lack of happiness.

"I know," Lenalee responded, a hint of happiness in her voice that almost made Allen's smile genuine. "I know, Allen-kun. And I'm thankful for having someone like you in my life."

At that moment, Lenalee turned her head upwards to face him, gratitude shining in her beautiful violet eyes. At the same time, Allen pulled away slightly so he could see Lenalee's face and be reassured of his success in comforting her. And when Allen leaned down, feeling a vague intention to press his lips to her forehead in a friendly, soothing kiss that his mind would probably stop him from doing before it came to that…

…Lenalee reached up to give him an equally friendly peck on the cheek.

What ensued was anything _but _friendly. Somehow, they'd both managed to miss the intended target and meet the other's lips instead. A spark of some undeterminable feeling shot through the pair, something strangely familiar and yet new, a feeling that somehow managed to make them forget any thoughts they might have had – about the situation, about their relationship, about… about anything that might have stopped the kiss the moment it began. Instead, in unison, they sealed their mouths to each other's, as if it hadn't been nearly five years but five _hours_ since it had last happened between them. Nothing Lenalee had felt in the years since, not with any of her beaux, could match the sudden passion awakened in her heart. As they both shifted into a more comfortable position to continue the ravaging of each other's mouth, Lenalee unconsciously pressed herself closer. Soon, there was hardly distance at all between them, Lenalee's legs wrapped around Allen's hips and their torsos remaining in contact even as the force of their foreplay kept neither still.

It wasn't until Allen felt cold hands, no longer trembling but acting with confidence and security, undoing the buttons across his chest that the enormity of the situation hit him.

"Lenalee," he mumbled into her mouth vaguely, "we shouldn't… not with Lavi and…" The thought of it being wrong because they were simply best friends didn't even enter into his mind.

She responded with something inaudible to Allen, probably because her tongue was busy in his mouth at the time; he thought it sounded like "I don't care", or "it doesn't matter", but it could always have been something like "who cares; just take off your pants!".

To which he later obliged, beginning the culmination of seven years of built-up need. In fact, after that, there was not a single instance of conscious thought or even knowledge of the words that came out of one's mouth until much later, when the pair collapsed under the white sheets of Allen's bed, panting heavily.

Lenalee snuggled into Allen's muscular chest affectionately, idly wondering when he'd become so… masculine. The boy she remembered certainly wasn't effeminate, but she couldn't help but realize how he'd grown in the past few years. She lazily traced random patterns on the bare, sweat-drenched skin and gave a long, content sigh.

"Hey, Allen-kun," she mumbled. He turned towards her with a faint hum of acknowledgement. "That was… did you expect that?"

He shook his head, soaked strands of white hair smacking her head gently. "Never."

"But how did it…?" Lenalee struggled to find the right words, eventually giving up to press her cheek into the tough, tattooed skin. A faint heartbeat reached her ears. "After all that from earlier…"

"Oh yeah!" Allen inhaled sharply, sending Lenalee bouncing off of him momentarily. "Didn't you say you couldn't… not before…"

"Marriage?" Lenalee answered, mind still in a haze from earlier. She barely remembered any sort of promise she might have once made on that topic. "Did I…?"

"…and we…" Allen's head flopped back onto the pillow and he clenched his teeth tersely. "I'm so sorry, Lenalee… damn it… you _did_ say that, and I-"

He was silenced by a finger on his lips; Lenalee had crept upwards to look at him with an affectionate gaze. "I don't mind, Allen-kun. This was…"

"You'll regret it tomorrow." Allen reached up with one free arm to cover his eyes from that beautiful gaze, but immediately shifted it to wrap around Lenalee and pull her down to lie next to him. "I'm sorry," he repeated, eyes meeting hers.

"I might," she admitted. "But I don't right now."

"Mmm…"

"…and, you know… we _were_ engaged seven years ago… Any normal couple would be married by now," Lenalee told him.

"We're not normal." Allen grinned at her. "And unless it was decided otherwise, we're not engaged, either."

"You'd sleep with a girl and _not_ marry her?" Lenalee exclaimed in a low voice with mock surprise.

"I'm kidding! So seven years…" A happy sigh escaped from Allen's throat. "Has it been so long since that day…"

"You went down on one knee in front of the entire Order, ring box open and everything," Lenalee reminisced. "Everyone was cooing; they thought it was so cute of you."

"And then Komui-san chased me around for a week trying to kill me," Allen muttered sourly. His expression quickly softened as the memory dissipated, however. "We thought that happiness would last forever…"

"We were silly teenagers then; we thought our love would never fade." Violet eyes darkened in sadness and disappointment. "Let alone in just three years."

Allen tugged her closer. "It wasn't really that bad," he mused. "We're still best friends, right? Or…"

"Yup. It was the best kind of break-up!" Lenalee leaned closer to nibble on her 'friend's' lower lip affectionately. "And here we are today – I just broke up with my last boyfriend a couple of hours ago, and- OH!" She withdrew and sat up, eyes widening sharply. "I just broke up with Lavi! I completely forgot!"

Allen couldn't help the satisfied smirk that found its way onto his face at _that_.

"Oh my god, and I just did that because he wanted to sleep with me, and… and then I go and do _this_!"

"I'm not a rebound, am I?" Allen suddenly asked in a half-serious worried tone, pushing himself off the bed with his elbows. "You were so emotional you just needed… and Komui-san is a blood relative…"

Lenalee cuffed him playfully across the back of the head, sending the tired young man tumbling back onto the mattress with a yelp. "We'll see when I regret it tomorrow," she said, sinking back down next to him. "It just feels… like it's too fast, like I didn't have time to get over him."

"It hasn't hit you yet?" Allen suggested. "When it does, I'll be here with a punching bag and some of Jeryy's chocolate cake."

She pouted. "You sound like a best girl friend, Allen-kun."

"But I've done this before! What about when you broke up with Kanda? That thing with Bak? When you found out-"

"Stop it, stop it!" Lenalee burst into laughter. "You're so… _cute_, Allen-kun. Maybe you are like a little brother after all."

A slightly awkward silence fell as Lenalee realized what she'd just said.

"…or a really good friend," she muttered, blushing.

"Who you just happen to be…" Allen avoided meeting her eyes. "…retroactively…"

"…engaged to." Lenalee swallowed nervously. "And yet… it still feels as if nothing's changed between us."

"With the friendship," Allen agreed. "Even now, we're still _friends_."

"Exactly. My heart doesn't flutter when I look at you…"

"I don't blush when you smile and hug me…"

"I don't drift off into daydreams about a future with you…"

"I don't fantasize about you at- okay, maybe that one's- OW!" Allen rubbed his arm gingerly as he sat up again. "What is it with you and violence now, Lenalee?!"

"Isn't this the reason we broke it off in the first place?" Lenalee mused, ignoring the injury she'd just caused. "We fell out of love with each other..."

"So why this," Allen finished, staring at a stitch on the blanket with confusion in his grey eyes. "We did… didn't we?"

Lenalee turned to look at him. "What do you mean, Allen-kun?"

"Well…" He frowned. "Did you feel like that for all the men you dated afterwards?"

She nodded. "At first. Maybe not after a while, but… well, they liked me, so…"

"But isn't that it?" Allen turned to meet her bemused gaze with an intense one of his own. "We stopped feeling such passionate emotions, all those things at first that made us think we were in love-"

"You mean that we never were?" Lenalee asked cautiously.

"No, no, we were, definitely! What I'm trying to say…" Allen sighed and let his head drop into his hands, straining desperately to make words out of the jumble of thoughts in his mind. "I don't feel like _that_ anymore… but I still care for you, right?"

"Of course. We care for each other. So…?" She smiled expectantly.

"…That is… even if I don't blush when you smile, or get the overwhelming urge to hold you anymore… it's not as if there's _nothing_, right?" Ironically, Allen was bright red as he said this. "I… I feel really happy when I'm with you, Lenalee. It's like eating Jeryy's food, except… no, it's _better_ than eating," he muttered, biting his lip nervously. "I still don't like it when any man gets too close-"

"Because you're like a brother-"

"But I did that before, too! That hasn't changed at all!"

Lenalee exhaled in a long sigh, wrapping her arms around the blanket that covered her. "Now that you mention it, though," she murmured, "maybe you're right. I could never wait to talk to you every day, even when I was with others. I couldn't even bake a cake without memories flooding my mind. And whenever I kissed someone…" Her cheeks heated up too. "…it never felt the same, and I wondered what was missing that we had had before."

"Suppressed sexual desire?" Allen grinned sarcastically.

"Probably. Ah, what are you so surprised about, Allen-kun?! I've been kissing other men for years and I never felt _anything_ like this!"

"Because you weren't twenty-three and…" Allen's innocent and gentlemanly nature prevented him from finishing that sentence, even to his best friend of seven years. "It wasn't like that with us, either…"

"But I wonder." Lenalee frowned, deep in thought. "I think you have a point, though. Did we rush too quickly into a break-up, thinking we'd fallen out of love when we hadn't?"

"It would explain so many things," Allen admitted.

"You know…" Unconsciously, Lenalee shuffled closer to the warm body, snuggling against him. Allen pulled her closer and let his arm rest on her bare hip underneath the blankets. "I think it was a few months ago, or maybe a year… but anyway, I was speaking to Miranda, and we got to the topic of marriage…"

Allen nodded in understanding. Miranda and Marie had been married not long after Allen and Lenalee had gotten engaged, and had been a steady couple ever since, living in a small cottage not too far from the Order HQ. "I remember how you caught the bouquet at their wedding…"

"…and everyone thought it was a good sign? Looks like they were right after all." Lenalee laughed softly, and Allen felt his heart warm ever so slightly at the glorious sound. "So where were we? Ah, that's right… I was talking to Miranda about marriage – hers, although maybe it was started because of Lavi; I can't remember – and she mentioned something about this."

"About what? This thing we're going through?"

Lenalee hummed a soft sound of affirmation. "She said that it's not about the physical attraction anymore… not that there isn't- isn't any, b-but… at that stage in the relationship, it's no longer about the sex or passion but about having a partner to spend the rest of your life with. Someone with whom you can grow old with and be happy to spend every day with them… someone with whom you can raise your children with. Your other half."

"Sounds familiar," Allen murmured wryly.

"I didn't really pay it too much attention at the time; maybe I didn't think I'd ever reach that stage – the partnership or marriage, probably; I don't know which one – but now that I think about it… it's not what my past relationships were about. It's what I have in _you__**,**_ right now." Lenalee reached across to grab Allen's free hand, clenching her smooth, pale fingers around his rough, red ones.

Allen gently stroked his thumb over her skin, marveling at how wonderful it felt to his hardened, deformed body. "It's the same with me," he said softly. "You're all I ever really needed, whether we had a romantic relationship or not. You're all I ever _wanted_."

"I've known you the longest of everyone still alive," Lenalee mused. "Except for Kanda."

"He doesn't count."

"He's known _me_ for a long time, too…"

"I'm envious," Allen admitted. "That's something I can't share with you."

"But…" Lenalee's lips quirked upwards into a sly smile. "We'll have even more time to spend with each other, so in the end, you'll beat him."

"Playing favourites among your ex-boyfriends, Lenalee?" Allen asked teasingly.

"I don't have to – I'm engaged to one and not the other, right?" Lenalee snuggled a little closer and pulled Allen back down to rest comfortably on the bed. "Although you never know what I say to the others…"

"You're a tease, Lenalee," Allen grumbled.

"I'm not!" she protested.

"…but I love you for that."

Allen's smile stirred those butterflies Lenalee hadn't felt in years.

"And I love you for being so accepting." She turned his head towards her so she could press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"And _I _love you for the way you love everyone," Allen told her.

"And _I-_" Lenalee's sentence was unsuspectingly shortened by a giant yawn. "…Oh! I'm sorry, Allen-kun; I didn't mean to-"

"You're tired?" Allen gave her a concerned look. "It's all right; it's late, and so much has happened just now…"

"Can I stay here for the night?" Lenalee whispered into his ear. "If it's not too much trouble…"

"As long as Komui-san doesn't catch us," Allen said.

"He won't mind; nii-san's used to this sort of thing by now." She nibbled on his ear lightly, pausing to mumble words to him whenever she changed locations. "Besides… he needs to find someone too."

"We'll deal with that in the morning." A jaw-breaking yawn promptly came to Allen as well. "We'll deal with everything in the morning, so just… sleep for now."

"Mmm… okay." Lenalee settled back down into the mess of warm covers and draped her other arm over Allen's muscular body. As sleep began to touch the edges of her consciousness, she murmured, "Hey, Allen?"

"Hm?" A part of him noticed that she'd dropped the suffix again; he almost missed it. Well, she could hear that complaint in the morning.

"…You really are my closest friend."

She squeezed his hand gently and he responded in kind.

"…You're my best friend, Lenalee. And that's how I love you."

"I love you too, Allen," she whispered.

Hands entwined, they fell asleep with the once-forgotten promise of a future together awaiting them.

And yes, they were always the closest of friends – and the best of partners. As they had always been.

* * *

A/N: Wow, that was… special. A little background on this: I started writing this fic in the summer of 2007 – June, maybe? – when a favourite celebrity couple, Ayumi Hamasaki and Tomoya Nagase, broke up. Around that time, Ayu released the song 'fated' on her new single, and while it probably wasn't written for the event, it made me think of this anyway. The reason was pretty much what happened to Allen and Lenalee here… and so I guess a part of me hoped it would end like this, too. It didn't, but that's not really important, now, is it?

So I wrote the first two sections in the summer of '07… then forgot about it in my long hiatus. This summer, I decided to finish it again, and – here's the finished product! Since I'm not proud of my 2007 stuff – it just isn't as good, if it's good at all… okay, personal opinion! – I wouldn't say this is an incredible piece of work, but it meant a lot to me and I really wanted to finish it. Nothing for you if you can tell where I picked it up again, though! I've really become longwinded since then! (It wasn't supposed to be that long at the end! Throws off the balance.)

I didn't change a thing from the beginning, so that's in its original form… in case it sucks. All the stuff from the beginning – same. Same disclaimer, same notes, everything.

I do love reviews and constructive criticism in said reviews, but I do want to say this first: I KNOW the characters are kind of OOC here, especially Lavi's actions. I don't really need to hear anything about Lavi. The plot was set in stone over a year ago back when I wasn't as concerned with him, or the others, and so I put continuity for the story over writing totally in-character here. As such, it is far from my best work so please don't judge me based on it. ;) Otherwise, feel free to review and criticize – just remember that I've changed and wouldn't write this if I was doing it from scratch today.

Thank you for reading!


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